Co-dependence is defined as addiction-promoting behaviour of people surrounding an affected person. Animated by the intention to help and support the affected person, they end up in a type of dependence directed at the life of the addicted person.
Co-dependence can be recognised in three phases. Initially, the co-dependent person protects and finds excuses for the addicted person, typically in interaction with an employer. The addictive drug is procured, and the gravity of the situation is generally downplayed. In the second phase, the co-dependent person tries to control the addicted person, for instance by hiding the addictive drug and by more intense scrutiny. The third phase start with the insight that these behaviours do not solve the problem. The co-dependent person develops feelings of accusation, exclusion, and avoidance towards the addicted person.
Other features are:
- Co-dependent persons have difficulty in setting boundaries; they often lack self-esteem.
- Their life is completely put on the back burner.
- They feel responsible for the affected person and for keeping up the façade to the surrounding world.
- They are often severely exhausted and feel under a lot of pressure.
- They suffer from psychosomatic symptoms like headache, tension, and depression.